Corridor Joke: A rail babu puts together 9 fundas to be a successful officer

Ravi Pipal is the pen name of a senior Indian Railway Personnel Service (IRPS) officer. And he occasionally writes tongue-in-cheek pieces on corridors of power. If you are a government officer and wishes to ‘fix’ responsibility, what do you do? Or, will you be called “casual” if you sincerely dispose of all the pending files, that too speedily? Pipal says “good manager” is nothing but a myth. In this hilarious piece written for BoI, Pipal pens 9 fundas on how to be successful in corridors.
1. Subordinate is always at fault. Don’t say boss is always right.
2. Give up politeness. Being polite is a symbol of weakness. 
3. Keep one or two confidants who can give you the breaking news and do a commentary for you.
4. Do not hurry up in disposing of files. If you do so, more files will pile up, and you will have a bad reputation of being casual.
5. In case you are under pressure to 'fix' responsibility, catch hold of the last man in the row (lowest in rung). 
6. Announce inquiry only after deciding what line of inquiry should be adopted, and what would be the final findings.
7. Are you finding out of place in a discussion? Try diverting the topic from Sahara to Antarctica or Vice-Versa. 
8. Keep your juniors guessing and fighting among themselves. Verma, Sharma, Pillai and Prasad need to be kissed and kicked as per occasion. Always keep in mind the tale of a wise monkey and stupid cats fighting for a piece of bread.
9. What if all these fundas fail? Just try this SOS: Discuss about nation, national character and moral values. That will give you strength to dominate the situation.